In a shock move, sure to impact on the world of football, oil-rich billionaires Manchester City have made a move to leave the rest of the world trailing in their wake.
They have bid an undisclosed sum, thought to be around £1.1 BILLION (or two week's wages for Yaya Toure, whichever is higher) to make the number 25 equal to 35 from this weekend. Sources close to the club said that after meeting over a skinny Latte in Asda's cafe, they read 35 names on a napkin left by City's Garrry Cook, next to a receipt with a hastily scribbled "25=35" in Khaldoon's handwriting.
Megan "the bike" on checkout number 5, please, said she thought it was the only way to keep all of City's overpaid mercenaries happy, while Kev, shelf stacking in aisle 7 (Toilet rolls and clingfilm) had no idea 25 and 35 were different before cleaning up a "wetspill" next to the frozen chips.
Everton's David Moyes was suitably enraged. "Their 25 was already more than our 25, and we were struggling to keep everyone happy. All that will happen now is that their 35 will be more than our 35 and we'll not be able to keep up. They should have come straight to me about this. It just smacks of doing things the wrong way."
A drunken scotsman in the reception at Old Trafford could only run around with his arms outstretched, shrieking "BANZAI, BANZAI!! Me clash into ship long time!! Noisy neighbours! Little Pea! MO7! Stop it Gary, someone's coming!". He then slumped into a chair mumbling something about Berbatov and Veron being bastards before throwing up in a plant pot and pissing himself.
Roberto "6 games left, or up to Bonfire Night, or Christmas" Mancini possibly commented "Fook it, we're loaded," then put in a £75m bid for Barry Conlon.